No assurance or peace

My mother died in March of 2001. She was a pentacostal until she was 30ish. Then, became a JW. There were definite changes in her personality and how she looked at life after the was baptized JW. She was more distrustful of others. She looked for the worse in people. She became a very hateful person as she got older.

She had six children, five who lived, and fifteen grandchildren. Some of her grandchildren did not know her because she had done so many things to alienate everyone. She lived in Pascagoula, right in the middle of everyone, but no one visited often. She never admitted to doing anything wrong. She would point fingers at other people who were doing exactly what she was doing, with a holier-than-thou attitude. She did some very cruel things to each of us. The only way to deal with her was to forgive her daily. And, we did.

In 1997 she had a stroke and had to go into a nursing home. She was STILL hateful. She had several heartattacks, and each time we thought was the last. The week before Christmas in 2000, she was rushed to the hospital with pneumonia which brought on another heartattack. She spent three days in ICU and then another week on a ward. In January she was taken back to ICU with unstable blood pressure. In February she back in the hospital. It was during that visit that she overheard the doctor telling me that there was nothing more that could be done for her. Her heart was too big and was just worn out. Later that night my mother started thrashing around in the bed, breathing hard and was cold and sweaty. She kept shaking her finger at me as if she wanted to say something, but could not bring herself to. I kept telling her to tell me what was wrong. That nothing she could say could be as bad as the thought of it was making her. Finally, after about fifteen minutes, she looked at me and said......'I did the best I could.' I knew that this was as close as she would ever be to asking forgiveness. I told her we all knew she had done the best she could for us,,,,despite everything, I knew she had had a hellasious life. I sat with her and talked until she relaxed and was able to sleep. She died two weeks later.

This is the 'security' a JW has. My mother was terrified thinking of dying and thinking that she had not done enough. She was terrified of what she was facing. She did not believe that she could get comfort by believing in Jesus and asking Him for peace.