Wayne

I don't know if it is the changing seasons or the time of year, but I have been thinking of my brother, Wayne, a lot lately. I have been reliving the call when he told me that he had cancer. And, worse than that one, the call that he had died.

I was on my way to him and had stopped at a rest area just south of the Ohio stateline. For some reason ( and I still don't know why) I went to a payphone there and called his house. No one answered, but his wife had left a message telling me to call her son's house. I started shaking. I called and she told me that Wayne had died during the night.

The last time I talked to Wayne, the day before, I told him that I was leaving Mississippi right then to come to Columbus, Ohio to be with him. He told me to be careful, then said, 'hurry, cause I really want to see you girl.' His daughter told me a few days later that he had talked about me a lot during the days before he died. When someone would ask him if he wanted to do this or that, call another doctor, etc, he would say, 'my sister is coming, she will take care of it' or 'my sister will do that'.

See, he and I were the two youngest in the family and were extremely close. I was a tomboy and fought at the drop of an insult. Just let someone say something to me that I didn't like and I jumped on them, swinging. And, lord help the person who dared say or do anything to Wayne. I did not just fight kids, I attacked my older brothers. Mostly because they said or did something to Wayne. Over the years our roles changed. Wayne joined the army and went to Germany. I went crazy and became known as 'weird'.

But, when my brother called to tell me about his cancer, time flipped. I heard the fear in his voice and was immediately in attack mode. I would have fought the cancer grabbo to the death, but he sneaked past me and got Wayne.

After I talked with Wayne's wife. I called my older brother at his bakery. His wife answered and gave him the phone and he was talking about all sorts of trivial stuff. I was furious. I interrupted him and said, 'James, Wayne is DEAD.' I could not belive he was being so trivial when the world was spinning sideways. Then, I hung up on him. I was so mad. That anger got me to my car, then I lost it. I don't cry in front of anyone if I can avoid it, but that morning I did not care. I tried to continue driving because my OCD does not allow me to ride with very many people driving. My friend was with me and took over.

About two months later I was thinking about that day and realized that my older brother had known Wayne was dead, and knew that I was trying to get there. When I called him he did not know that I knew and he did not want to be the one to tell me.

Wayne was a beautiful person, with a beautiful soul. I miss him. I will always miss him.